One Page Story: Finella's Cats

It is well documented that fairies steal human babies. Occasionally they abduct grown men and women to become consorts, midwives or servants in their stoor-filled castles. Less well-known, however, is the story of Finella, who kidnapped cats.

Finella adored cats. They were composed of like elements to herself – shadows, moon-flickerings and superiority. Finella bided in Dunmizzle (a fairy kingdom of central Scotland) and shunned all society but that of her cats: Tearlag, Gowker, Spink, Sit-fast, Red Michael, Stoor-chaser, Brenger, Pawpaw, Mum and Giblets. She loved them from their grizzled whiskers to their crooked tails.

Beloved of all was an old mouser named MacSween, whom she found in a dilapidated barn. Louping with fleas and three times the size of his fellows, MacSween spent fifteen hours out of twenty-four insinuated around his mistress’ shoulders, warming her neck like a ginger shawl.

One day, Sir Hendrie, an aged fairy knight, visited Finella to complain. Her cats, while making significant dents in Dunmizzle’s rodent population, could not keep their hair to themselves. Moreover, folk were distressed, suspicious that Finella stockpiled cats to enact the taghairm, a terrible spell.

“Now look here,” said Finella. “they dandelion seeds blawin’ roond aboot mak mair mess than my cats. Taghairm - that will be right!”

She gnashed her teeth, thinking that Sir Hendrie, fond of hunting, must be an unintelligent dog lover. MacSween uncoiled from her neck and growled. “Aye, pet,” she stroked his russet tail and eyed Sir Hendrie. “He ought to keep his dreeping nose out of our business.”

But Sir Hendrie drew his sword and took a swing at Giblets, who happened to be nearest. No sooner had Sir Hendrie raised his sword than MacSween pounced, sinking teeth and claws into the old fairy’s neck. Ox-strong, Sir Hendrie tore the thing off, holding it by the brush. “My dear,” he said, “this is’nae a cat – it’s a fox.”

In the twitch of a tail Finella wrenched MacSween from Sir Hendrie’s grasp. She threw the unworthy pet out of the castle window, whereupon its neck broke against a tree. Finella then took her leave of Sir Hendrie, remembering an adorable nest of kittens she had found at a nearby farm.

 It is said that soon afterwards Finella turned her attention to hedgehogs, which are easily identified and shed little hair.